"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
