At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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