we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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