paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
