is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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