Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
