Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
