There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You can't special order awesome
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You are the jesus of drinking
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
