I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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