I love black thongs
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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