The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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