just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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