I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
