You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
