she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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