your room smells of hookers.
And success
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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