She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
