So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
