Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not