You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall