I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
