You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
