remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
