Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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