I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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