Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
