carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
