I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
