It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
