We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
