im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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