I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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