i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
