Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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