You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
