I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
