i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
