Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
