Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
Itβs about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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