marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize