GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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