Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
