I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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