did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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