I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
