dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
