So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The pigeons can smell the fear
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.