She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
