man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same