i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy