I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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