oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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