I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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