By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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