so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Drunk is a universal language darling
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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