She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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