I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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