just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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