Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
