it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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