but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
