Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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