chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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