..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
