i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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