its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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