i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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